How Do You Handle Depression and Discouragement?
Monday, September 10, 2007 at 01:26PM Today I got a post from a patron who comes to many of my shows on the east coast.. She said that things had conspired to get her down and she wanted to know if I had any tips about getting rid of depression. I sympathized with her and I realized that this is something that we all must deal with from time to time. It also got me to thinking about how discouraging and depressing being in this business of making music or creating any kind of art for a living can be.
Now in the music business, or in any artistic endeavor, you are putting your heart out on the line. And what you have created becomes, for a time, a commodity. You are attempting to enroll people in the art that you have created and at some point you must start to believe that you deserve some sort of recompense for your efforts. If people react to what you’ve created with indifference or rejection it goes right to your heart. It isn’t like someone not wanting to buy the rug you have for sale, the car, or whatever. And it is very easy, in these circumstances, to become discouraged and depressed. It is part and parcel with the artistic temperament that we want and probably need, acceptance.
It doesn’t help that the press is devoted to the lionizing of people and their talent and that the media is continually in our faces and often it can be used (by our egos as well as our peers) as a ruler to measure our own success or even validity as artists. If we are not lionized, we must be failures, is the media subtext.
Consequently, if you are going to pursue this life of an artist, then you are going to have to learn to deal with rejection and discouragement and depression. No matter how successful or unsuccessful you are, you will be dealing with this, and I’ve noticed that even if you have nothing whatsoever to do with the arts, you are still going to have to learn to deal with it. And the best way is to learn to deal with it in such a way that you can and will actually benefit from the effort.
Even the most economically successful performers (i.e. Britney Spears is the latest example) can go from being the darling of the press to being the whipping boy. And this is going to impact you whether you acknowledge it or not. So how do any of us handle this constant barrage of caca that the universe periodically throws at us.? I am certain that everyone has developed some way that is unique to them to handle it. That being said, here are some of the things that I do to keep from going postal when I encounter incandescent inspiration for depression.
First of all, I do exercise, and I don’t mean ten minutes exercise. I mean at least an hour of something vigorous that actually causes you to perspire profusely. If you are not athletic or don’t have access to a gym then an hour of vigorous walking will do the trick. Not an amble, but a purposeful, aggressive stride. It seems to me that if you get your body into healthy shape and keep it that way, at least you won’t have to also fight the physical battle of fatigue, illness and / or injury that has to show up periodically and eventually. And when it does show up, if you are physically fit, it might be less impactful or take less time to heal, etc.
I’m not suggesting that we all must look like Brad Pitt or Governor Arnold, just that we make certain that our depression isn’t something that’s coming from physical discomfort or disability. If you body feels good, then there’s a good chance that you can feel that way mentally too. At least it gives you a direction. Being in good physical shape also provides you with stamina you need for the performance. 
The second thing that I do to fight depression is really simple. I deflect the attention that I am paying to my own depression by doing something kind for someone else. It can start as easily as opening a door for someone else. I know that this sounds lame, but when you start to do things for other people, something turns inside of you and you begin to feel better. Random acts of kindness are an incredible balm for depression.
I know that one can say, look I’m so depressed I can’t even get out of bed, and that may be true, but it didn’t start out that way. When you feel it coming on, do something about it immediately. Don’t wait until you are incapacitated and can’t do anything. Pay attention to what and how you are feeling. .
I remember being on the road and driving the next day after an ill attended concert. I was in a funk and asking myself why I was even doing this. I stopped in this little town in Utah for lunch at a local café. As I was sitting at the counter, I noticed an older woman looking at the menu and not making a decision. I could tell that she wasn’t bucks up and was trying to find something that she could afford. Finally the waitress came over and asked for her order. First she ordered soup and then asked, “How much is the pie ala mode?” When the waitress told her, she counted her change in her coin purse and said “I’ll just have the soup.”
She was just starting her soup when I got up to pay my bill. I told the waitress to please bring that older woman the pie ala mode of her choice and tell her it was from an admirer. Then I paid for my lunch and her pie ala mode.
I then walked out, got into my car and drove away, before the waitress could even deliver the pie. I didn’t wait around to be told how wonderful I was, I just did the deed and drove away. I was grinning from ear to ear all the way to Denver. Try it. I’m telling you, it’s better than prozac.
Reader Comments (8)
Funny I am in a fuck that came on within the hour...funny still it is arts related...a canceled audition...so reading this post has reminded me of the things I do to feel better...
James yo are right GET AT IT EARLY.....and yes EXERCISE...and DO FOR OTHERS...
I think the more one can do to realize that the Universe is still the great big wonderful place as it was an hour ago or ten minutes or 5 seconds is important...I'm a lover of the absurd and ridiculous...so I read or watch or think of something that is totally screwball...or i take in a piece of artwork that is outside my usual realm...meditation is wonderful...above alll there are two things that I do most...I GET OUTSIDE!....I look at ants crawling or a moth flying or a flower or the bark on an old tree or the way the sun plays with my shadow...i 'm also getting exercise which helps...the other thing is create art...i work at my craft I write i practice voice or guitar or work on the production values of a number...what life will it have whats the costuming what do i want to get across...as I write this the funk is lifting thats the heart of it whether its buying the pie...wow if I was that woman that would have made my day as much as it did yours James...mutate what you are going thru...accept it give it its due...dont ignore it cos its energy...take it mold it change it...make you lemons into a meringue pie...but change it .
DEAR LORD! I apologize I meant FUNK....please disregard that other term...
Hey James,
My fave cure for the blues is to spend some time with children. I babysit two young boys and I know it's impossible to feel sad while spending time with them. I can be in the middle of a snowball fight or building a town out of legos or playing shark attack in the pool but whatever we are doing we have fun. It's good to be childlike once in awhile and it benefits the kids as well as me. Hope this helps.
bobby and diane, two kids doing the best they can--john mellencamp, oh no, wait, that was jackie and diane. in any event, i'm glad you posted and i'm glad that i helped and also glad that you know the difference between funk and f#*k, bobby.
james
This is a good one for me. Depression hs been my friend, mentor, rascal, for many years. Much studying. A real genetic link in my family chain. Everyone has offered great advice.
Excercise - YOU BET. The old brain really kicks in the endorphins. AND if you can excercise in nature - Ahhhh. I'm one of those who takes medication. Some need it. Some don't. It's an individual experiment.
I remember during a particularly bad episode I got a call from a friend needing to vent about some deep personal pain. I thought " If I listen to this, I may go crazy! I'm barely hanging on here!" I chose to 1. Get myself outside of myself. 2. Listen with compassion (Sometimes this is best time limited - ya gotsta make sure you can still swim) and offer a positive listening ear.
By the end of the conversation, my depression had lifted a great deal. Way to go James and everybody. Do something for someone else!!
That pie story is a heart stopper James. There is a tune in there!!
paul adams
what was that stephen stills song? "do for the others" it's the best way out of the maze. thanks paul.
james
Your post is very encouraging. Last night, I had a gig that I would not consider at all successful and yes, it's left me feeling really down. Your words helped me to look at the gig in a different way. BTW that was very sweet what you did there in Utah!
I feel I should say, I absolutely love this blog. Could tell me how I can go about keeping up to date with it? By the way I discovered this website through Lycos
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