Peer Conferences and Post Attendence Depression
If you have ever gone to a music conference like Far West (www.farwest.org) or Nerfa (www.nerfa.org), or Kerrville (www.kerrvillefolkfestival.com), then you know what a wonderful experience it is to be surrounded by music. To be in the presence of so very many musical artists and to share your music; to play music until all ours of the night; talk about music; think about music; live music; breath music, then you know what I’m talking about today. The apres-conference let down.
While you are at one of these all music functions, the entire rest of the world seems to be on hold; reality just doesn’t intrude. As soon as it’s over and your are driving away, the world comes tumbling back in like a kaleidoscope of responsibilities. Now you have to get back to handling the day to day.
To feel let down after one of these weekends is okay. Even if you didn’t get the work you had hoped for or made the connections that you want to make, it still feels great to be in that environment. When you go back to the real world, there has to be some sort of adjustment.
After I got back to California, I did all my due diligence with regard to contacting those people that I wanted and needed to contact that I met at the conference. I worked long hours for several days doing it and then I hit a wall.
I had been out on the road for several weeks preceeding the conference and then the four days of the conference itself followed by the two days of long hours at the studio doing follow up simply caught up with me. I felt weary, discouraged, and began to question why I do this.
When you consider that I have done this for at least 48 years, you have to recognize that this type of question is a little late in coming and probably not of any consequence.
It’s just your negative self trying to impose some authority. Ignore it. Go practice. Go get a piece of music, film, literature, whatever...something that inspires you with the joy of creation and give it your full attention. When you come out of the envelope of genius you just surrounded yourself with, you’ll feel a little better.
Which brings up another point. While there are very many gifted people you will encounter at these music conferences, you will also encounter beginners, amateurs, hacks, and salieri types that can hear the gift, but cannot manifest it. These encounters will also have an effect on you. Seeing someone celebrated for not being good can be confusing and discouraging; almost as if it is invalidating all the effort you have given it. This isn’t true. It only seems like it, so the discouraging effect is only temporary, I swear.
While I believe in nurturing all the talent that lies within us, I also believe that it does not serve to give undue praise to a work that may be full of good intentions, but does not rise to the mark.
I remember being at the Celebrity Center when I first came to Los Angeles. They asked me to sing and it was a very large crowd...three or four hundred people. I did two songs and the place went crazy. Cheering and screaming and applause. I thought to myself. Wow, I am some kind of good. While I was basking in my ego light, the next act went on. I think he played the Star Spangled Banner on his arm. Just tooting and slobbering away while we could barely discern the melody he was torturing out of his shaven (yes!) arm. I felt bad for him. He finished and the crowd went crazy. Cheering and screaming and applause.
It seems that their organization wanted them to nurture everyone who made the effort. Charitable, but in the end, not what I subscribe to. For me it invalidated their response to my performance and eroded the confidence that I was feeling after the experience. In order to grow as a performer, you need real feedback. You need to see what works and what doesn’t work on an audience and you couldn’t get it there.
There is a large support system at these music conferences as well and they are needed and wanted, but keep in mind that they want you to succeed. They are not like an audience in club, or an audience that came to see the headliner and must endure your thirty five minutes before they can see the act they put up the big bucks to see.
When you can entertain those folks, you have arrived as a performer. Now on to gathering your own audience.
james lee stanley
in Random Thoughts
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