datamusicata

Thought you might enjoy another story of opportunity missed.  This one  involved me rolling around naked on the big screen with Nastassja Kinski  (en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nastassja_Kinski)  while my very own music played in the background.   Here are the hairy details.

Years  ago, I was up in the  Colorado Rockies doing some fly fishing and when I came in from the great outdoors, there was a message on my machine from a film producer.  

He told me that he’d always been a fan and had the perfect part for me in a movie entitled Maria’s Lovers, Maria being played by the aforementioned Kinski, and I was to be an intinerate musician and one of her on screen lovers.   

That sounds like a good job, I thought.

The catch was I had to be in Los Angeles by Tuesday morning at ten a.m.   It was late Monday afternoon.   Needless to say, I called the guy, told him where I was and that I would be there by driving all night and that I couldn’t wait to get started.

I drove all night showed up at his office at ten a.m. looking much the worse for wear.    Wow, he said, you’ve really aged.  

Great beginning.  

I  explained that I had just driven for ten hours and had had no sleep, but that he must be delighted with my enthusiasm and commitment.  With a shrug, he gave me a treatment of the movie and said that the director, a Russian named Andrei Konchalavsky, was tweaking the actual  script.  

AND  they wanted me to write some songs for the film and to play them on screen, when I wasn’t rolling around with Nastassja.

That sounded like an even better job than it had on the phone.  I was ecstatic.  

It seems that it was a period film, taking place around 1940 in prewar America and, as fate would have it,  I was playing a 1939 Gibson J-50 at the time, so the guitar was exactly right for the film.   It was kismet.   This was going to be my big break.

I went home and put together a half a dozen songs that were PERFECT for this film.  

Time passed, and I stared at the phone full of joy and optimism.

They finally called me up and said that the director had continued to work on the script and that my character was getting a much bigger role.   Cool, I thought.

Time passed.  I looked at the phone hopefully.

Then they called and said that the part had gotten so large that they couldn’t give it to a person who had never acted before, so they were replacing me with Keith Carradine.

BUT, they were still going to use all my music and I would still have a role in the film, albeit a small but good one.

Then they called again a week later and said that  Keith wanted to come over and learn these songs, which he did.  He was a delightful fellow and a very fast learner.

Time passed and I stared at the phone with a little trepidation now.

They called again and said that my role had completely disappeared.  They didn't know where it went, but it was gone.   Sorry.   But my music was still in there, they promised.

Time passed and I jumped every time the phone rang.

They called again.    It turns out that Keith and Andrei, being supremely gifted in a multitude of arenas, had decided to write all the songs themselves, so my music was now also out, but…

Here’s the killer:  They wanted to use my Gibson J-50 guitar.   They said it was perfect for the film.   

So my guitar went on to roll around naked on the screen with Nastassja and Keith.    And five months later, I finally got my guitar back, though now it has an attitude.  

Then the film company refused to pay the rental fee for the guitar and I had to take them to court and sue them to get my money.

I did and I won.     But I’ve gotta warn you, show biz sucks sometimes.   And I have never seen that film.