What Is The Most Important Question To Ask Yourself?

What Do You Want to Have Happen?

I was talking to my wife about her struggles in the corporate world. She was laboring under the impression that because I am doing music, that my life is a cakewalk, that I never have to deal with adversity, disappointment, frustration, or jackasses. Wow, did she get that one wrong.

Whatever it is we want to do in life, some of it is going to fall together like poetry and some of it will simply not come together no matter how much we punch it, cajole it, direct it, beg it, push it, or shove it.

The fact of the matter is, everyone has an agenda and almost everyone’s agenda has nothing to do with yours. Everyone has goals and most everyone’s goals have nothing to do with yours. One of the keys here is recognizing that we are probably the only person that wants what we want to happen.

And when you are dealing with other people, statistics demonstrate Vilfredo Pareto’s 80/20 rule over and over again. Twenty percent of the people do eighty percent of the work. So it is key to recognize who is doing what? Who can be relied upon to do what? And who is going to do only “just enough”. Recognizing who these folks are and what their capabilities are will save you a lot of frustration, headache and rage.

And recognizing these folks is not difficult. You make an appointment with someone, they show up an hour late—they are part of the 80 team. They cancel an appointment after you get there—another part of the 80 team. Say that they are going to do something and then not come thru? The 80 team. Don’t give those people tasks to do that don’t require supervison and oversight. They will let you down. And when they let you down, move on. NO recriminations, no revenge…just move on.

Booking myself thru the years, I discovered people that were remarkably professional and reliable. I’m still doing business with them thirty years later. And it’s true that I am also still doing business with folks who are less than that. But with them, I leave nothing to chance. Everything that I can think of to make the gig, session, work, travel, etc go smoothly, I either handle myself or delegate it to a reliable associate. I don’t get mad at the flakes for being flakes. That’s who they are. You can not change them. You can only change how you handle them.

For me, and I suspect everyone else, it all boils down to “what do you want to have happen?”

No matter what has happened, ask yourself that question. And this is a tough question, because your ego gets involved, especially when you think you’ve been treated with disrespect or disregard.

I remember, years ago, having a record label president calling me in Santa Cruz and asking me to come to Los Angeles for a meeting to discuss the possibility of me being on his major label. I drove down, went to Mike Bain’s on Sunset and purchased a very expensive outfit. Shoes, pants, silk shirt, belt. The whole thing. I wanted to walk into that office reeking of success and not desperation. I knew that he had seen me perform and I knew that he liked me. So I thought I was going in there for what I thought would be the coup de gras.

I arrived ten minutes early and waited til it was almost time and then waltzed into the reception area and had the receptionist announce my arrival. They asked me to have a seat. I waited there for forty five minutes. At first I thought, hey, these guys are busy and you really can’t tell exactly how long a meeting will be. But the longer I waited the more indignant I became. The fabled, “they can’t do this to me,” which is just you giving yourself permission to hurt yourself, to do damage to yourself or to your cause. Indignance is a stupid emotion to give into. It is you making the choice to be stupid.

Finally I was ushered into his office. He smiled, shook my hand and then while he was asking me to sit down, took a phone call. He sat down, turned around and looked out the window at the Hollywood Hills and proceeded to talk to that fellow for another twenty minutes at which point, I got up without saying a word to anyone, and walked out. He didn’t even know I had left his office. I got into my car and drove back to Santa Cruz. I sure showed him, didn’t I?. I let him know what a jackass he was in no uncertain terms.

But was that what I wanted to have happen? NOOOOOOOOOO. I went down there to get a record deal and instead let my ego have a field day. Remember what you want to have happen and act accordingly. I try to ask myself that question all the time. And yes, I still blow it from time to time, …but most of the time I keep asking it. Remember it.

Comments

[Bobby Brogan]

James,
Please start a church;)...It was very strange for me when tho I instinctively knew what I wanted... when people would ask me what I did...I was speechless and crestfallen....the truth was I knew what I where I belonged and what I did and was supposed to be doing in my life but I didnt know how to verbalize it...i only knew to say: "put me on stage...sign me to your label"...but I didnt have a demo of anything that actually met the true scope of what I did...now that I can say "Hi my name is Bobby Brogan, here's my resume...i am a broad comic actor and strong dramatic actor...I am a singer with a musical scope that covers blues jazz rock musical theatre turn of the century and light opera... I am very skilled at working a stage a very fluid physical performer and I connect with an audience very well making alot of contact and bringing them into my performance"....THAT is part of knowing what you want to happen: KNOWING WHAT YOU DO IN SPECIFIC NO UNCERTAIN TERMS..I also believe that from the first phone call from the first email meeting whether casual or formal...I am on exhibition....i am being sized up as much as much as I am sizing me up...I leave nothing to chance...which means I leave myslef open to chance and things I cannot control...that gives me such a sense of freedom and power over myself.... the performance starts from the initiation of communication...polish up your goods and take a step back and put them on display I approch it all as if its a game and no one is sincere but no letting it show...they suits in whatever form are your audience and they want to know what you are capable of and see what you can do in spontanious situations...putting into words is only half of it it into words so I am demonstrative from the beginning...if I are afraid or indignant...put it away keep an eye on it cos I am on display...a casual comment or sign of
sincerity or insincerity may only be a test so assume so ...and then after I have given the best performance I can muster...and the meeting or audition...I think they are one in the same...then I write a friendly thank you note ...and then i wait about two weeks and then I begin inquiries..."havent heard from you"...was very glad to have met with you have you made a decision"...etc etc till I get an answer that is to my understanding if the reply is no...or a thank you very much when do we begin if the answer is yes...if they dont respond withing a 3 to for week period I assume they are as you put it the 80 percent...sometimes I am pleasantly surprised other times I disinfect and move on...so Yes knowing what you want to happen is everything...and that means knowing what YOU want out of YOU...and I try not to take it all so serious even tho I feel very serious about it...so being that show biz is the art of illusion...I go back to my zen place and make believe

[james lee stanley]

wow, bobby, lot of input and yes, knowing your strengths is really important. can't believe i left that out of the equation. that's why i treasure the comments, the responses make this a living breathing resource. thanks for your input.
james

[Bobby Brogan]

Alot of that is stuff that many people you included have taught me...btw I love the blue tie brown shirt combo...late seventies early eighties?
Bobby

[james lee stanley]

hey, we can't be held accountable to the fashion police for what we once wore. Wait til i break out the bell bottoms and the feely shirts.